Empathy, encouragement, and admiration: why men can’t get enough
This section is probably the easiest and most intuitive of all seven, and I’m going to give you a great picture to remember it by… You’ll never forget it ’cause I’m going to put it on your Wake Up Gorgeous sticky note. Read on!
Most men feel constant pressure to perform well in their work and lives. They are slogging away every day to make it through the obstacle course and they often feel that no one notices. But what’s worse than no one noticing is when people are actively criticizing every step of the way.
A man is not going to hook up with a woman who tears him down. He needs someone who is on his side, a part of his team.
Here’s a great way to remember how to empathize, encourage and admire… (and it can be encapsulated in one, tiny little word!)
Have you ever belayed for someone climbing a rock wall? (that basically means helping them by holding a rope)
A good belay partner is an invaluable asset, which is exactly what you want to be.
A belay has to respond reliably to the movements of the person climbing, taking up slack in the rope when they make forward progress, or carefully letting it out when they need to shift down.
It’s very like the dance of empathy, or identifying closely with, and responding to, what he’s feeling.
A belay also calls encouragement when a climber gets stuck, slips, or begins to tire. And of course, congratulates them on the successes.
“That’s a hellish passage.” (empathy)
“I think there’s a handhold just over than ledge, about two feet to your left.” (encouragement)
“Awesome. You made that passage work on arm strength only.” (admiration)
You don’t have to overdo it, of course. And you also want to keep it sincere. No fake compliments! They just devalue your other reactions.
The real trick here is to remember to make the principles of good belay a regular part of your interactions with men.
Consider this: when we are getting ready for a massively hot date, we spend a lot of time getting dressed and ready, and it feels great when a man takes note. In fact, it’s almost a standard expectation that he’ll say, “Wow, you look incredible in that dress,” or something similar.
But often we forget to give him a little positive feedback, too. “Mmm, you smell delicious,” would work nicely. Or “I love a man in a tie.” Or “Sexy shirt. Makes your shoulders look…” (You don’t always have to finish your sentences. Let him fill in the blanks!)
We dig that stuff. They do too.
