How to make conversation like you’re making love
So far we’ve been talking about your moves. Now you’ll need to tune your attention to his reactions.
Talking to a man is like having sex with a man. Think about how you’d be with a new lover.
If you want to know how he’s experiencing your attentions, you could gently ask, “Do you like this?” “Does that feel good?”
OR, you could watch for clues. An sudden indrawn breath when you put your mouth here, or an involuntary groan when you stroke your fingers there.
It’s the same with making conversation. Well, almost the same!
First: Watch his body language
If you did Hour Two, you already became attuned to your own body language. What does his say in response?
- Is he maintaining eye contact? Eyes flickering to other things mean he’s probably bored with the topic of discussion. Change the topic and see what happens.
- Is his face lively and animated? If not, and you’ve tried everything you know to draw him in, he may be a dud, and you’ll be better off ditching him now. You want a live one! Those are the keepers.
- Is he leaning toward you? If he leans back out or steps away, shift your own tactics immediately. Pull out one of your powerful questions and see if you can get him re-engaged.
- Is he toying absently with a bar napkin, paper clip, or coffee spoon? This indicates thoughtfulness; you’re getting him to really think about this!
- Is he facing you straight on, leaning in, no arms crossed? This is one of the most receptive positions you can find him in. Make your move and invite him out!
Second: Look for conversational “Sugar Spots”
As you explore a new lover’s body, you would note what spots (ears? Inner elbow?) really make him buzz when you stroke them. Those are tasty little sweet spots that you’ll mentally catalogue and go back to, right?
You want to do the same as you chat. Look for anything that gets a little jump of a reaction from him.
You might discover that he has four older sisters, for example, and if he tells you that and makes a rueful face, you’ve just found a Sugar Spot. Tease it a little more and see what happens.
For example, you could ask, “Which one was your favorite?” Or, “What would have changed if you’d been the oldest?” Or, “Did you ever wish you had a brother as well?”
In conversation as in lovemaking: Always be looking for the Sugar Spots!
Three: Avoid The “Back To Me” Trap!
It’s so easy to automatically respond to a Sugar Spot by immediately launching into your own story. When he tells you that he has four older sisters, don’t instantly tell him how many sibs YOU have (and what you think about them all).
Part of catching him completely off-guard and making him wonder why he’s so drawn to you is in giving him plenty of the conversational spotlight.
By nature, women tend to share conversational ground much better when they are talking with other women. As I’ve said before, we are naturally more relational. Guys are not nearly as good at this, so it’s up to you to control the balance.
Give him plenty of pleasure from those Sugar Spots when you begin. He will never forget it how good it feels when you invite him to share more about himself. It will be a treat he comes back for again and again!
Four: How to turn that dratted “weather we’re having” into pure conversational gold
Sometimes conversations find themselves on the oldest ground of all, the weather. You need to have several powerful questions already on hand to deal with this one. You might be amazed at how well these work at turning a boring I-don’t-know-what-to-say moment into pure gold.
I’m gonna give you a few for multiple weather conditions, and after you look at a few you’ll see how it works. You simply take the weather cue, then turn it into an interesting gem with your question…
Jake: Well, it looks like it’s going to rain.
Shanti: It does, doesn’t it… Did you ever get caught in a really scary storm?
Jake: Oh yeah. Hurricane Hugo, when we were in South Carolina.
Shanti: Really? What did you do?
George: I can’t believe this great weather we’re having.
CeeCee: Would you live outdoors year-round if you knew you’d have weather like this every day? No house, no tent…
George: Hmm. Maybe, yeah.
CeeCee: What stuff would you be glad to get rid of? (Or, What would be hard to give up?)
Dylan: It’s freezing outside.
Jada: It is. I can think of several warm and steamy places I’d like to go. Where would you like to be?
Christophe: The temperature is supposed to drop again this week. It may snow.
Anna (leaning forward): I bet you’re right… If you could magically be awesome at any winter sport, what would you choose?
Mike: Man, it’s hot out.
Zoe (shimmying in her seat): Mmm, it’s perfect weather for skinny dipping. Have you ever been?
Jamal: Kind of warm out today.
Dominique: I love it like this. What’s the farthest south you’ve ever been?
Kenan: Crazy weather, huh?
Isabel (letting her feet touch his under the table): If you were in charge, what weather would you give us right now, and why?
Notice how you can combine your powerful body moves to increase the intensity of your questions. Easy as a summer weekend on the Cape.
