Dating is the foreplay of marriage. Which makes marriage the smokin’ hot sex, of course. Sign me up.
Oh wait, I’m already off that waiting list and in the hot and heavy, girlfriend, and if you love being married one tenth as much as I do, you’re in for a fast and fabulous ride (and I’m not just talking about sex, either) (Although I really like talking about sex. Sex is awesome. Now back to your regularly scheduled program).
Don’t forget to go back and review the Top 10 Signs That He’s Marriage Material, because it will give you a quick read on whether or not a man is going to be the kind you’ll be able to build a lifelong relationship with.
But just because he’s “Marriage Material” doesn’t mean he’s actually READY for marriage.
Below you’ll find 12 indicators that your man is not only Marriage Material, he’s actually getting ready to tie the knot!
12 Signs That He’s Ready for Marriage
1. He’s had his fill of “sowing wild oats” (or he’s too disciplined to do that)
It’s absolutely true that some guys are going to get it out of their systems, come hell or high water. They are overflowing with hormones and are driven to have sex, and their discipline levels are a little less than adequate for stemming the tide. Or maybe they just don’t care.
It doesn’t really matter WHY they do it, but plenty of men WILL spend every waking moment in pursuit of easy sex.
Don’t (don’t, don’t, don’t!) be the woman who fulfills that need for them if you’re interested in any kind of lasting relationship with that particular guy. I can pretty much guarantee you that nobody who has sex on the first date ends up in a committed relationship with that person.
2. He’s financially independent
Or he’s at least well on his way toward financial independence. If you commit to a man who is currently living on a meal ticket (i.e., in his parent’s basement, sponging off friends, or otherwise mooching), he is NOT ready to make the step toward commitment.
On the other hand, if he’s made it past his first few minimum-wage jobs, and is working to build a nest egg (and maybe even some engagement ring money), he’s definitely in the “ready to commit” category.
This one can trip you up, because there are just SO many sexy guys out there trying to “make it big” in Hollywood, Nashville, or on the cagefighting circuit. Those guys are fun and exciting, but not ready to settle down.
Hard bodies are H.O.T., but the Urge To Merge is what you’re looking for.
3. You aren’t a secret
He’s already introduced you to his friends and family, and speaks frequently about you to all of them. He’s confident that you are the one he wants to be seen and associated with. Can you say Ready for Commitment? This is it!
4. His language has gone from “me” to “we”
His plans almost always include you, and he talks about the things that you’ll both accomplish or do together frequently. He talks comfortably about your future together, and may even have brought up plans for marriage and kids.
5. He already knows he wants to be a dad
You sometimes find this particular characteristic in the 30s and over set of single men. Guys DO have a biological clock, but it tends to ring AFTER they get their career going. If you find a man who is already having thoughts about becoming a father, you know he’s prime for commitment.
6. He loves your quirks
It’s okay, you can admit it. You have a few… odd little things about you. Like the way you have to organize the zippers at the fabric store, or the fact that you can’t read a book without circling all the misspellings. Or maybe you can’t stand to eat while walking, you crack your knuckles during movies, or you put salt on your watermelon. He knows, and he finds you entirely charming.
7. He actually… likes… your family
Not everybody gets this one in their man, but when you do, it’s notable. He’s shared your family’s special events, and he’s even been helpful and supportive during bad times that your family has gone through together. He may not call your mother “Mom” (I personally object to that little practice, don’t know about you…), but he’s clearly connected and engaged with the people who call you theirs.
8. He raises the subject of marriage
Or he says “I love you.” This is a big deal, as we’ve hinted at before. Since men tend to come around more slowly on these two biggies, if you have one that’s already there, you definitely know he’s ready to settle down.
9. He’s interested in your goals for the future
And he’s helping you make your way toward them. This tells you that he can envision both of you years down the road, working together toward both of your dreams. Your goals are important to him because YOU are important to him.
10. He makes room for you in his house or apartment
You know a guy is NOT ready for commitment if he is very careful to return any items you’ve left at his place, especially personal items that might indicate you’re in it for the long haul. But when he is feeling all nesty, you’ll start to find he has put your magazines on the coffee table, keeps a special drawer or place in the closet for you, or asks you for help in arranging his kitchen or den just so.
11. He’s completely comfortable when you answer HIS phone
You know that feeling of trust you have when you let someone else answer your cell? That’s the kind of trust that says “This person is totally okay with me. I’m at HOME with him/her.” If you happen to be nearest and he tells you to answer his phone for him, that’s a powerful indicator of his willingness to commit.
12. He likes to spend a lot of time with you, not necessarily having sex
He clearly gets a lot of pleasure out of simply being with you, even if he’s not trying to get into your pants. This lets you know he thinks of you as a keeper, and is very open to being committed to you.
So, should you try to “get him” to pop the question?
No, absolutely not.
Men are not stupid, and when one is growing more and more committed to you – and he KNOWS without a doubt that you have limited availability, he’s going to know there’s only one way to catch and keep you and that’s to make you his. Permanently.
Men are in different stages of willingness to commit, and the truth is, you want to be found by a man who is nearly ready or who is actually ready to get married.
Sure you can enjoy the dating life for as long as you like, but once you know you’re ready to commit and you have a timeline in place, you are working a different plan. That is the reason for this entire section of the program.
For this part to work out, you need to choose from the men who are looking for a commitment, because there’s no use in spending all your very valuable time trying to change one particular man who is dragging his heels.
That just creates resentment, and why would you do all that when there are SO MANY OTHER MEN out there who are ready and eager to settle down?
So rather than trying to manipulate an outcome, simply open yourself to the many possibilities out there, and understand that there are literally hundreds – if not thousands – of possible matches just waiting to discover you.
The Pollen Principle
Does a flower create one single grain of pollen and invest all her hopes and dreams in it? No way! She was made to create thousands of possibilities so that there’s never any doubt that her kind will be reproduced.
Here’s another way to think of it. Remember that picture from Health class in middle school with the thousands of sperm RACING toward the egg? If the one in the lead suddenly makes a U-turn, the others are gonna win the prize.
Can you even name ten of the dozens of varieties of apples there are to enjoy?
Okay, here’s my point, if you haven’t figured it out already:
Nature never puts all her eggs in one basket. The deck is always being stacked in your favor! There are a lot of guys you’re likely to be highly compatible with, and they have one chance at the prize that is YOU.
Do you think she made only ONE man, wound him up and set him loose in the universe to find you? Are you kidding me? There are ALWAYS lots and lots of possibilities for you to choose from!
That’s the Pollen Principle.
So be at peace and know that if one man isn’t the right match at the right time, another one is.
That’s why I’ll go completely out on a limb and tell you this:
If you have carefully evaluated your man, you know he is marriage material and he also seems READY for marriage, he know your availability is limited and he STILL hasn’t asked you to marry him…
I hereby give YOU permission to “pop the question.”
BUT! You need to be ready for him to say “No.” Because the simple fact that he hasn’t asked is telling you all you really need to know…
But I don’t really think that’s what’s going to happen. There are too many guys out there waiting for your time, your attention, and your commitment.
If you’ve really done your homework and worked your plan, you’re going to be in a position of choosing WHICH man you’re going to commit to, rather than trying to get a particular stubborn one to jump through hoops.
With that firmly in mind, here are a few more things you’ll want to know as you get closer to your actual wedding day…
Why he will love the wedding (but not want to plan much of it)
You may think guys want to get married about as much as Paris Hilton wants a life of anonymity. Surprise, guys really DO love the idea of marriage.
And most men love weddings, especially their own. Who wouldn’t love a giant party thrown all for them and the lovely, sexy woman of their dreams? Well, and getting you naked (over and over again) after the party…
However, it’s less important to them whether the napkins list his name or your name first in the “Courtney loves Michael” engraving. They don’t care overmuch whether you have a vanilla crème or lemon chiffon filling in the layer cake, and they are extremely hard-pressed to help you decide between an elbow-length or a shoulder-length veil.
If all those million details are your particular delight, have at it! But know that just because he leaves those things to you DOESN’T mean he isn’t excited about catching you once and for all. His indifference to white tablecloths over off-white doesn’t mean he’s indifferent to YOU.
Two big things about planning the wedding, and how much craziness you’re willing to endure:
Set a budget at the very beginning.
A $2,000 wedding will have far fewer details to handle than a $10,000 wedding. Want to cut back on crazy? Reduce your budget.
And try to remember that the wedding happens once, but the marriage happens every day for the rest of your lives. You’ll want to invest in your relationship, so try not to empty your bank account on the party.
Remember who the wedding is REALLY for.
Yes, yes, you and he are at the center of things, but this will most likely ALSO be a major event for one of both of your families, not to mention all your friends.
If you want to keep a lid on the project, work with the primary people who want to be involved to set a guest limit (in addition to the budget). I’m not saying it will be easy, but if you can pull it off, it will help.
If you do manage to involve your man in some of the details of planning a wedding, try not to treat him as room décor. Be open to his opinions, EVEN if they differ from your own.
5 ways to stop worrying about the bachelor’s party
It’s stressing you out, just thinking about it. Strippers, Vegas, bad drunken decisions. The Hangover, for pity’s sake. Hollywood LOVES this mix, and we lap it up, don’t we?
Don’t worry, there are several approaches you can take.
Remember: There doesn’t HAVE to BE a bachelor party.
Not everybody has one. It’s not mandatory. Your wedding – and all the related festivities – belong to you. Just because your fiancé’s buddy has the great idea for a night of X-rated debauchery doesn’t mean it has to happen. You and your man can firmly communicate your preferences, and even suggest alternatives.
“Grow up” your bachelor party. Try these alternatives.
Nothing says you’re required to have a bachelor party at a strip club. In fact, it may not even be a very good match for the guy you’re marrying. Maybe your man would rather have box seats at one of the games of his favorite sports team, or one of the following alternatives… Hey, they could even be co-ed, if desired!
- Poker night
- Wine tour/tasting
- Road trip (Graceland, Boxing Hall of Fame, etc.)
- Charity day (build a house for Habitat for Humanity)
- Warrior run/event
- Whiskey tasting
- White water rafting trip
- Cigar lounge
- All-day golf
- Skydiving
- Comedy night
- Paintball
- Beach house with friends
- Ski trip
- Dude ranch
- Rock concert
- Pool tournament
- Go Cart racing
- Bartending class
- Bungee jumping
- Camping trip
- Casino night
Make the bachelor party location/activities decisions together.
Often there’s a “crazy friend” in charge of the stag party, but if you can get control of it away from him – or find a way to include him in your planning – you stand a chance of having a party that fits both of your expectations and won’t ruin the wedding or the marriage before it gets a chance to begin.
Make your position on “cheating” crystal clear in advance.
Sex is a whole spectrum of things, and when a stripper finishes a lap dance and offers to “finish him off” for an extra hundred bucks, it’s not a great time for a clear thought process to happen. Have a calm, clear conversation with your fiancé well in advance of the big party, and let him know where your boundaries are.
Let him know you’ll be ready and waiting after the party.
If there’s sexual energy at the bachelor party, the best place to discharge it is with you. Let him know exactly how you’ll be dressed (or not) and how hungry for action you’ll be (very) on the night of the party. Make the effort to be awake and ready to receive his advances, and you’ll defuse the built up power of just about any night at a strip club.
Don’t forget that having an advance plan is a great way to avoid last-minute problems. That includes rules about boundaries, having a designated driver, and setting beginning and end times and locations. You’ve both come too far to let this last detail wreck what you’ve worked so hard for!
