So you slept together too soon, then he drifted off. There’s no point in blaming or shaming. The real question is often this: can you win him back?
We slept together too soon and he disappeared… Can I get him back?
“Claire, is there is way to reverse the effect of a man withdrawing and losing interest in you after early sex?” — A
Hi sweet A. I can tell it’s been a challenging journey for you.
Here’s an important thing to remember:
Men don’t leave BECAUSE you slept together too soon.
Men leave early on after jumping in bed if sex is really all they are interested in with you.
I know that’s frustrating, and maybe it stings a bit, too. But don’t worry, I will give you some other ways to look at this and jump-start the engine again if you want to.
But first, I need to explain a few critical bits to this. The first thing (below) you already know, but the second two items may be things you hadn’t considered.
For most guys, the FIRST thing they tend to think about is the hot-and-heavy.
It’s not that men aren’t relationship-minded, because they are.
But they tend to think of the physical things first. How a woman looks, how attractive she is, intimate fantasies they have connected with her, and so on.
So if a man connects with a woman who is also interested and willing to jump in the sack right away, they are very often going to take you up on that offer.
But it doesn’t mean that they are interested in a relationship.
It just means they are interested in some steamy action with a willing, gorgeous woman (you!).
So you slept together too soon. Well, there’s nothing wrong with getting naked with a man if that’s what you want to do, and you’re keeping yourself safe and well-cared for.
However…
This means he wasn’t really your boyfriend, and he’s also not your “ex.”
He’s just a guy who thought you were hot — a guy you hooked up with.
Which is what makes the next part even MORE frustrating.
Because a lot of women do the same thing when this happens: they start an “ex back” program.
They do the “no contact” period, then try to tease him back into a relationship.
Unfortunately…
“Ex back” programs only work in this situation IF (and it’s a BIG if)…
This only works IF he actually wants a relationship. With you.
Which sounds fine, except that you both have VERY LITTLE to go on in order to decide if that’s the case.
So you can do the standard checks like
- does he make me a priority in his life
- does he make me feel strong and good when I’m with him
- does he have my best interest at heart
- do his words match his actions
- do I trust him, etc…
But truthfully, you just don’t know enough about him if you only went out once or twice, then slept together once or twice.
If you still want to try again with him, here’s how you get started (7 steps).
You start the same way you would with any other man: at the beginning!
1. Build yourself up.
Invest in your own life, your dreams, your passions, and more than anything else, your self-love, care, and confidence.
2. Enjoy dating other men.
Men are very interested in a woman who is in high demand and clearly having the time of her life.
3. Let your joy and dating life be intriguing, and just a little bit publicly secretive.
Go out, enjoy yourself, and just leave sassy, interesting little hints here and there on your social platforms about it. Don’t “tell all” — just let it be clear that you’re enjoying life and the dating universe.
4. Bait your hook.
Send him a pleasurable reminder of something you really enjoyed about him, and nothing else.
This means you offer him a genuine compliment or some powerful words of admiration. Make it 100% sincere, and don’t overplay it.
5. If he bites, be willing to date him… But not instantly.
Give him time and space to wonder if you’ll respond. Don’t make yourself fully, instantly, constantly available to, and hyper-focused on, him. You’re not needy, you are busy enjoying all life has to offer.
6. Btw, these are dates, so do not accept if he wants a booty call.
But you already knew that. You slept together too soon last time, you won’t make that mistake again! 🙂
7. Let him run with the pack. He’s only one of several.
No matter what, don’t let him believe for one instant that HE is the ONLY one for you. You have more options than that. Keep dating other men. Give him room to miss you, want you, wonder what you’re doing. Let him work to win you.
Once you’ve gotten to know him better, you can make your OWN decision about whether to take the relationship deeper.
And listen, if he breaks things off, or doesn’t respond the way you’re hoping — well, you got lucky. You got out before you got in too deep.
Yeah, it’s a bit ouchie (especially ouchie if you were secretly feeling desperate or needy).
Maybe you slept together too soon. Maybe you are bruised a bit, but you are also SO strong, and on to find the man who WILL appreciate you for the true woman you are becoming.
