Sometimes sex happens between two consenting adults without any other emotional commitments. It might even be swing-from-the-chandeliers monkey fun. And if a booty call is ALL both people want from the relationship, everything is fine.
But what if you’d like to actually WAKE UP together and spend time with him for once? Have breakfast together, plan a day of fun and togetherness?
Can you make him your boyfriend, or will you always be a booty call to him?
Usually, it’s the woman who sprouts feelings first.
You start feeling frustrated and used, because you REALLY want a boyfriend. You don’t want to be “just” a booty call, now matter how steamy-hot the hookups are.
Here are 5 steps (PLUS a nuclear option) to turn that booty call into a real relationship, starting today…
“I’m stuck. I have given my heart to this guy who I’ve been seeing for about 3 months, but I don’t think he feels the same about me.
We have an incredible sex life, but I sometimes feel like that’s the only reason he ever comes over. We almost never go out on dates, even though I’ve invited him to my favorite restaurants on the beach several times. We’re both runners, but he won’t come run with my run club, either. He says he only wants to be alone with me. Last week was his birthday, and when he was too busy to come over, I was sure he would invite me to go out with a group of his friends but he didn’t. 🙁
What we have is special, so how can I get him to see that??” – Alyssa
Ouch. Darling, you say what you have is “special,” but the clearer truth is that what you have is sex. You need more than that for this to become a serious relationship. Right now it sounds like you’re his booty call, not his girlfriend.
So if you’re serious about wanting to flip this booty call into a real relationship, scroll down and find out what you can do to make the change. It can and does happen, girlfriend!
Booty Call to Boyfriend Step 1: Shift him from texts to phone calls
Don’t allow him to restrict all your communications to impersonal or sex-connected texts. You don’t have to let him set the method or tone for all your interactions; you have some control of this, too.
- Respond to his texts with a phone call instead.
- Pick up the phone and call him just to talk.
- Be willing to ignore some texts completely, or delay your reply until the following day.
Booty Call to Boyfriend Step 2: Ask him IRRESISTIBLE questions
You gotta hook and reel him in with the best, most irresistible questions you could possibly ask. The kind of questions that make him feel like you are the only woman who really understands him.
Invest in a good “questions for couples” book if you need help on this one.
Booty Call to Boyfriend Step 3: Turn the tables on him (STOP being his booty call)
Don’t be wholly available to him. Let your own schedule take priority so that he’s not always able to get whatever he wants (i.e., sex) whenever he wants it with you.
Instead, tell him you’re out with another friend, or working late, or have plans with someone for a special event or outing. Let it be clear that you live a full, interesting, and passionate life.
In case you’re NOT already dating other guys, start.
And I’ll say that again in a minute, because I really mean this.
Go out. Have a blast. Be public about your enjoyment of these life and dating adventures.
When he starts to ask “Who are you with?” and “Where are you going?” you know you’ve started to arouse his interest and get him a little bothered over you. Enjoy that feeling!
And don’t give in to any whining or pleading for hookups on his part.
Instead…
Booty Call to Boyfriend Step 4: Slowly (slowly!) draw him in
Allow him to see you SOMETIMES, on your own terms, and at places you choose. These should be real dates, not appointments to steam up the windows in your Jeep Cherokee at Lookout Point.
Up to now he’s been in complete control, so expect resistance. If you really want him to move from “a guy you have amazing sex with” to “my fabulous boyfriend” then you’ll stand firm.
You deserve to have the relationship you’re working toward!
Booty Call to Boyfriend Step 5: Never be exclusive with someone who ISN’T your boyfriend
That means if you want something OTHER than a booty call, keep dating other guys.
Because over time you’ll find out whether this is the man for you. And if he never gets on board with your plan, you’ll already be well on your way to finding the man who is desperate to join you in your beautiful life.
(I told you I would tell you this part again.)
Booty Call to Boyfriend: The nuclear option
Okay, let’s say you work this plan and he never budges an inch. All he wants is sex. Great, earth-shaking, bone-melting sex. With you. On his schedule. And that’s all.
And you want the great sex, but you also want more. You DO NOT want to just be his booty call. (Possibly one of several.) (Ick.)
Here’s your last-ditch plan, and you’re gonna laugh when you hear it.
You TALK to him directly about it. Yep. You bring it right straight out in the open and tell him that
a. You think he’s an amazing man
b. You’ve enjoyed the smoking hot bed boogie
c. You’re interested in an even bigger, better, more incredible relationship with a man you can share your future with (describe what that looks like)
and
d. What does he think about that?
