Getting Your Man To Commit

Getting Your Man To Commit PDF

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Getting Your Man To Commit Worksheet

You sparkling, gorgeous, attractive man-winner!

Have you allowed him to chase you until you caught him? I think you have.

Now you need to know how to navigate this next little section of the journey – the part that lies between simple, non-exclusive dating and…commitment.

Yes, commitment!

Just the two of you, all snuggled up close, not even aware of the rest of the world. (Y’all are so cute together!)

Now, when I say “commitment” I mean that period of time AFTER you date non-exclusively, when you are only dating one guy, and the two of you plan to eventually marry.

I’m assuming that because you’re in this section of the program, you’re interested in a committed relationship, either now or at some point in the future. But just in case you’re not sure, it’s a great time to do a quick goal check.

Superfast Goal Check for Commitment

Ask yourself these two simple questions:

1. Why am I dating?
   Because it’s fun? Because I want companionship? Because I want to feel attractive? Because I am interested in sex? Because I’m bored? Because I want to get married?
2. How long am I willing to date a man before I expect to know for certain whether or not we will ever get married?
   Three months? A year? Two years? (PS: the longer a timeline you have on this one, the harder it is to get out of the relationship when you need to get on with your life.)

If you know you want to be married, and you have a clear timeline, the decisions about whether and how long to date a particular man become infinitely easier.

I’m going to start with three little “Don’ts” because these three simple things seem to be deeply countercultural in the dating world these days. If you want your man to commit to you, here’s what you shouldn’t do…

Number One DON’T: Don’t Ask Him “Where the relationship stands”

Instead, when you sense it’s time to start having these kinds of conversations, you tell him what you’re looking for. Don’t make him guess, and don’t make him struggle to express the very complex emotional feelings that the two of you have developed over time for each other.

Be loving and direct, and don’t think you’ll only ever be having one conversation about this, with him or with anyone. It’s not a once-in-a-lifetime Academy Awards speech, it’s simply a clear, direct dialogue that you’re opening. More on this below.

The most critical thing you can do in this situation is to be ABSOLUTELY open to his response. In other words, you must be ready for him to say he’s not ready for a commitment (if he’s not ready).

You’ll be vulnerable, but you’ll also be authentic. You’ll be telling the truth about your feelings and what you desire, and all of it will be real.

Remember that one of the most powerful tools you have in your toolbox is the fact that you are attractive to SO MANY MEN. You must allow him enough space to both

a) see that you’re incredibly beautiful and valuable as a woman and
b) that he could seriously miss out if he doesn’t act soon.

Number Two DON’T: Don’t be exclusive until you’re engaged

When you stop dating around or seeing other guys, a man naturally starts to feel like the chase is over.

And it isn’t, not unless permanent exclusive dating status is what you’re looking for. But if you’re looking for a marriage commitment, you should not be exclusive until you’ve (both) said “Yes” and that ring is on your finger.

I’m not saying you have to date tons of guys when you really want to focus on this one man who has captured your heart. But DO keep looking, keep engaged, and continue to allow men to ask you out, meet you for drinks, and otherwise socialize with you.

This is not cheating! Here’s why…

Being friendly and/or dating other men is NOT cheating when there’s no explicit commitment between you and another man, and don’t allow any man (or woman) to tell you that.

Sure it would be a lot easier for a man to control you that way, but sorry, Charlie, you’re not that easily won! If you were, guys just wouldn’t be interested. Or they WOULD be interested – in a way you probably wouldn’t like much at all. They’d keep you on the side and feel free to capture as many other willing women to add to their “harem” as possible; easy enough since you’re committed but they aren’t.

Nope, you’re not exclusive until you’re committed.

And that means an actual, explicit, verbal agreement that the two of you are not seeing anyone else any longer because you have intentions to make this incredible dating relationship you’ve built permanent.

Number Three DON’T: Don’t Work So Hard to “Win” Him Over

Ease back on the gas, darlin’. Remember that he’s the one who wants to chase you, and if you’re busy taking care of his every teensy need, some of them before he even knows it’s a need, then you’re stepping into his territory.

If you know for a fact that he isn’t yet committed to you and you alone, take an honest look at the little list below. If you can check off two or more of these, you are too far into the deep end. You need to back out, catch your breath, and do a re-set.

• You’re calling him by pet names all the time
• You make constant social updates on all the special things he’s doing for you
• You automatically keep his fridge stocked
• You quit school
• You make sure he takes his medicine/vitamins every day
• You scribble your “married” name on everything
• You make all the decisions about where you’ll go on dates
• You don’t go on dates; you just go over to his place (or he comes to yours)
• You’ve quit thinking about furthering your career
• You call his mother “Mom”
• You’ve cancelled on your girlfriends recently
• You’re looking for more ways to spend time with his family
• His BFFs are slowly replacing your BFFs
• You’ve been mentally keeping score of how much you do
• You’re cooking dinner for him every night
• You aren’t seeing other guys

Don’t prevent him from doing what a man loves to do most – and that’s winning the juicy, delicious, exquisite prize that is YOU!

Okay, are you ready for some “Do’s”?

Number One DO: Do Be Clear About Your Limited Availability

You may notice that this one looks a good bit like the Number Two Don’t. As mentioned before, you should not be exclusively dating someone unless you have a clear understanding that the two of you plan to get married.

And if your goal is to get married, you DON’T want to hint that you want to get married.

Let me say that again: If you want to get married, do NOT hint that you want to get married.

Instead, you want to make it clear that you will remove yourself from a relationship that doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. You can even give an example of that as you communicate with him.

Eric: So, do you ever think about getting married?

Lila: Sure I do. In fact, that’s why I broke it off with Jacob during grad school. We’d dated for nearly two years and I really thought he and I would eventually build a life together, but he never seemed to get serious about it. So I realized he wasn’t the right man for me, and I knew I had to move on. A break up can be painful, but I’m just not willing to invest too much into a relationship once I know it’s not headed toward something permanent.

Be clear and don’t give all the details of a past relationship other than to explain that it wasn’t headed toward marriage. Minimize the drama, but make your point plain.

Here’s another one:

Shaun: So, do you ever think about marriage?

Elaine: Definitely. Dating is fun, but I wouldn’t want to date the same guy for more than a year without knowing it was serious. Besides, I don’t think it would be fair to string someone along, or deprive myself or another person of the chance of finding that special someone to grow old with.

Number Two DO: Do Maintain Your Mystery

It simply isn’t necessary to tell, show, express, or exhaustively explain EVERYthing at about yourself, and in fact, you shouldn’t. Men love a little mystery because it revs their “chase it” engine. Never take away the joy of that from a man.

Let your private routines remain yours to cherish and enjoy, whether that’s a regular romcom matinee, a special beauty regimen, your hobby of the moment, or even a regular time away from it all. You don’t have to relate every detail of your day each day. It isn’t necessary to give the complete backstory on each of your childhood friends, recent jobs, lifetime pets, and (especially) past boyfriends.

Keep developing new interests. Keep following your intuition and when asked why you know so much, flashing your secret smile. Stick with your girl posse. Maintain your independence.

You want to remain intriguing to him, always.

Number Three DO: Do Stay SEXY

Sexuality includes a whole spectrum of things from a flirty smile to unforgettably hot-n-steamy intercourse (seems like I should add “and beyond!”), so regardless of how long you plan to wait before having intercourse with your man I’m going to include a few quick goodies here about sex and sensuality that you’ll find useful no matter what level of intimacy the two of you currently share.

Sensuality is a huge part of any intimate relationship, and smokin’ hot sex is the foundation and jewel of every solid long-term relationship like marriage. Why is that? Because when the sex is phenomenal, your intimacy, trust, and communication levels are typically very high. Which makes for fabulous relationships.

And just in case you haven’t already discovered this marvelous open secret, awesome and frequent sex is even more of a priority for a man if he is between the ages of 18 (I’m going with legal consent age, here) and 35. Ladies, you get your turn at the fabulous hormone waterfall at 30 and beyond (that’s a different book, and it’s an amazing one).

So if you want to secure the commitment, being so damn sexy he’ll be unable to think of anyone else but you is on your “remember this” list.

And the gospel truth is…it’s not that difficult! Guys are actively open, actively ready to be enticed by your sultry look, your sexy walk, and your fabulous smile. 24-7!