(Or) Hey! Where did all these guys come from? And how many can I have?
High five and a margarita for you, sugar. You are an incredible man magnet!
And now that you have all this yummy man-attention, you have to make some decisions.
Because some of the men you’ll be attracted to will be exactly the right kind of guys, and some will be really bad for you. I think you know where we’re going with this, right?
Before you start digging around for that Perfect Man Checklist (you already burned that and stomped on the ashes, remember?), let me say these two things:
First, remember: There is no perfect guy.
Just like there is no perfect woman. I mean, you and I come pretty freaking close, but… : )
Seriously, let your vision be wider than some silly little (or insanely long) list. This is the man BUFFET, and there are lots of fabulous dishes to sample.
Also: NOW is a good time to go read the “Man of Your Dreams” Bonus!
Have you read the Bonus I wrote for you called “How To Know If He’s The Man of Your Dreams (or the Little Boy of Your Nightmares”? The reason I ask now is that if you happen to be suffering from the painful syndrome I call “There’s Only One Soulmate Out There for Me” – you’ll find out exactly why that’s not true at all.
In fact, there are LOTS of potential soulmates out there for you! And the Man of Your Dreams Bonus book will help you see exactly how that is true, true, true. Get the cure. Go read that bonus right away!
And finally: Dating someone doesn’t mean you’re planning to marry him.
What are your goals right now? Do you just wanna date around? Are you trying to heal after an ugly breakup? Would you simply enjoy going out with a sexy, smart, or funny new guy? Are you looking for a no-strings-attached roll in the hay?
Because these things will impact your dating choices, of course.
The Man Buffet was just MADE for browsing, sampling, trying new things…
…and, of course, for finding the kind of guy you’d like to marry.
And here are a few pointers to help you sort ’em out…
Sorting the Keepers from the Throw-‘Em-Backs
Before you go any further, you may want to do the following exercise to help you orient yourself to the kinds of men you’ve worked out with and the ones that just didn’t connect with your heart or life (even though you tried).
Make a list of all the guys you’ve dated in the past. Under each one’s name, write three things:
- A few words about what initially attracted you to him
- A few words about what you ended up really liking about him
- A few words about what broke the deal for you (if applicable)
Really, only a few words! Just enough to jog your memory.
Now look over your list and see if you recognize any patterns. If you intend to break old bad habits, now is your chance. If you really do find yourself attracted to the kind of guy with a particular winning characteristic, it’s helpful to know that going in.
Uh-oh. Did you just see in your list some not-so-winning characteristics? Don’t worry. Sometimes we are attracted to men who just aren’t good for us. Simply knowing that is half the battle. (The other half is not sticking with them, of course.) The good news is that you don’t have to “settle” for those guys, because there are plenty better ones.
And in fact, dating a few Mr. Wrongs will help you understand exactly what you DON’T want so that you can weed those dudes out and find Mr. Fabulous much more quickly.
And the truth is that there is a pretty good gap between keepers and the ones you need to release back into the wild, and once you realize what general area your man falls into, you’ll be better equipped to make your decision about whether to let him continue to pursue you or show him the door.
Now, if you just happen to have a list of a hojillion guys you’ve dated where it didn’t work out, take a look at the following section to make sure you’re not making this classic (and easily fixable) mistake…
The (Monstrous) Difference Between NEEDING a Relationship and Wanting One
Do you know any “GirlfriendZilla” women? They date a thousand guys and have a thousand failed relationships to show for it. No man can ever do enough to satisfy a GirlfriendZilla’s desperate craving for… Well, for a relationship with a man and all the happiness a man can “give” her.
Except that you can’t really MAKE someone happy. You have to find happiness and satisfaction within yourself first.
If you’re in any way feeling desperate for a man, you’re already in trouble. The best possible mental and emotional position to be in is where you WANT but don’t NEED a man in your life.
Take a look at the short list of questions below. Give yourself a score from 1 (Not True at All) to 5 (Very True).
- I’m a very happy woman, with or without a man.
- I intentionally spend time with friends who make me smile.
- Even when things get difficult, I feel deeply grateful for the good things in my life.
- I’m doing things I really love. I don’t need anyone’s approval to be who I am and live the life I’ve chosen.
- I listen to my heart and spend time every day both growing and caring for myself.
Are you in danger of falling into the GirlfriendZilla danger zone? If your score on any of the above items is a 3 or below, you might have some sweet little gifts you need to give yourself…
Bet you didn’t expect me to say THAT, did you?
I Hope You Want LOTS of Presents!
That’s right, it’s OPEN YOUR PRESENTS time, and these are all things you’re gonna love… If you aren’t feeling happy, independent, grateful, passionate, and loving toward yourself, here are just a few sparkling secret treasure boxes that should make you smile again.
Be sure to open a few of these gifts every single day, because the more you do, the happier you’ll be as you browse the amazing and wonderful Man Buffet.
- Fill your life with gratitude. An easy way to start this is by spending 5 minutes in the morning writing on a sticky note two or three of the things you’re grateful for. It could be a friends, the beautiful sweater you’re wearing, or even that steaming hot coffee you are enjoying. The more you make thankfulness a habit, the happier you’ll grow, and the less you’ll be looking for a man to make you happy.
- Stop making excuses, and stop blaming yourself. There’s just no good that comes from that, is there? Everyone makes mistakes, and things don’t always turn out the way we plan. But when you become relentlessly focused on the way to keep moving FORWARD (rather than looking back), you’ll soon become the kind of woman everyone wants to be with.
- Simplify your life. Sometimes the desire to consume, consume, consume starts to eat up your heart. Don’t let it happen to you. De-clutter your apartment. Clean your closet. Pay off some debts. Don’t let the “I want!” syndrome cripple your ability to enjoy the JOYS that each person and situation brings into your life.
- Keep dreaming AND working toward your dreams. Don’t let anything stop you from making small steps every day toward the future you envision. Thinking about being a world-class chef? Writing your first novel? Running a 5k? What can you do TODAY that will get you a bit closer?
If you can get these simple but powerful gifts working for you, you’ll naturally stop putting all your focus on hoping a man will “solve” your problems, or fulfill a need you’re experiencing.
Once you get out of the “NEED a man” zone, you’ll not only be nourishing your own soul more, you’ll also immediately become more attractive to men! Hey, nice how that works, huh?
The key, in 7 little words: WANT a man, don’t NEED a man.
DOUBLE Your “Lots of Presents”: Maintaining Your Unique Identity (even when you’re part of a happy couple)
Okay, my last word to you before you hit the Man Buffet. I’ll keep it short: If you can master the simple section above (all of which you’ve already been thinking about because of earlier sections of Capture His Heart), you’ll be one of the happiest, most balanced women when you date the men who chase you.
But there’s a TRAP in any new couplehood.
Being with someone you really enjoy, someone who brings gifts of their own to the relationship, can make us lazy.
Yes, I said lazy.
Because it’s a little bit of WORK to ensure you’re a happy, independent, grateful, passionate, and loving toward yourself. And it’s a great temptation to allow a man to start taking on some of that work FOR you.
Instead, you want to DOUBLE your presents, rather than halve them. The way you do that is to
A. Keep giving yourself all those gifts (see above), while ALSO
B. Enjoying the gifts a man brings to the relationship.
Don’t stop seeing your girlfriends and other people who make you smile. Don’t quit school, or stop making that tiny baby step forward toward your dream every day. Don’t think, “Oh, I’ll get back around to that later,” because the longer you leave that work undone, the more you lose the habit of being an independent, happy woman.
Keep on being the kind of wonderful woman an amazing man falls in love with! Because that’s also the kind of woman a man would FIGHT to keep from ever losing…
