Several of these are things you probably already know, but a few may try to sneak up and bite you in the fanny. Don’t let it happen!
But if you do, know that you’re not the only chica who’s had to smack herself on the forehead and say “Aaargh! I knew better than that!” Just don’t hang on to your mistakes forever. Chalk ’em up to lessons learned, then forge ahead! So many good things are waiting for you…
1. Sacrificing or negating who you are
You know not to cover up your own incredible gifts or pretend that you don’t have any power in a relationship, right? Cool, I thought so.
Don’t put yourself second in this, because YOU are number one here, beautiful. You’re planning to be a part of a couple, but that should never never never (and I mean never) obscure your own value and importance.
Don’t take yourself off the pedestal. That’s your pedestal, and besides, it has sparkles.
2. Being a man’s mama
I know we’re trained to be nurturing and motherlike from the instant we get our first Cabbage Patch baby doll, BUT. If you treat a man like a child, there will be some of it that he will love. Who doesn’t want to have a mother to take care of our every need (once in a while)?
But more than a little of that and a man will begin to feel incompetent and you know what? He’ll resent you for it. That’s right, you.
Don’t make a habit of scolding, correcting, or directing a man. And definitely don’t make it your job to take care of his every need from seeing that he has his jacket when he goes outside to finishing the kitchen clean-up because he “forgot.”
You want a MAN, not a boy. So make sure you’re a girlfriend, wife, or lover… but not a mom.
3. When you’re not in it to win it
GO AFTER THIS, girlfriend.
Don’t sit around and WAIT for your prince to show up, because who has time for that crap?
Life is waiting to be lived, so go out and live it so hard and so well that the air around you throws off sparks and you leave a wake of slightly exhausted, happy people in your wake.
4. When you kill his thrill of the chase
Remember, guys are looking for an adventure. They love a task, a job, a hero’s quest. So make sure you’re not the low-hanging fruit that any scrub could just reach out and pluck. Yuck, I grossed myself out just writing that.
If he doesn’t have to chase, work and even fight to win you…he probably won’t want you.
LET HIM WORK TO WIN YOU. Really.
There are actually two reasons for this, and only one of them has to do with how fiercely competitive and task-oriented guys are. The second one is this…
YOU’RE WORTH IT.
You are gorgeous, confident, whip-smart, and getting sexier every day. That’s premium goods, beautiful, and you can’t just be giving your attention away for nothing.
5. Insincere, unspecific praise
This screams “desperation,” and it’s not an attractive thing.
In fact, it also sometimes falls into the “Don’t mother your man” category as well. You know the kind of moms I’m talking about. Their precious little baby-waby can do no wrong and she praises him for every perfect hair on his head, whether it’s crusted in pancake syrup or not. He’s her big champion for every belch, potty, and bored crayon smear. No matter what he does it’s a “Good job!” Bleh.
Look for things that are praiseworthy and let him know what he’s doing right in sincere, straightforward terms. Remember, you want a man, not a little boy. And you are a genuine prize, not one of those pretty but aimlessly chattering babes that’s hardly worth a second thought.
6. Ignoring the power of not…quite…saying everything
Okay, this one is a touch more tricky. Sometimes it looks like simply not saying everything you know. But there’s also a more subtle tool here, and you are going to love using it.
I sometimes call this the art of the unfinished sentence. The purpose of an unfinished sentence is to let him know he’s made you speechless (in a good way), or to allow and encourage him to fill in the blanks with his own version.
It looks like this:
- He comes to pick you up, and it’s clear he put a lot of effort into dressing to the nines.
You say: Wow. You look…. (take a deep breath, and bite your lip) - Last night he was incredible, amazing, unstoppable.
Today you text him and say: I can’t stop thinking about last night when you… - Today he’s working on some bizarre project in the garage. You have no idea what it is.
You say: Verrrry interesting, all this. So tell me… - Just now he did something very gallant, sexy, or otherwise praiseworthy.
You purr: YOU are SO… (flash your million dollar smile) - We ladies are usually VERY quick with words, and we usually have a waterfall of them constantly running. It can be overwhelming to a guy, which makes your judicious use of silence particularly powerful.
7. Premature enunciation
WhatEVER you do, you don’t want to come across as needy. Because you aren’t.
Your life belongs to you, and you are numero uno here. He may be welcomed in, but you don’t settle for scrubs, and he’s going to have to win your attention because it doesn’t come for free. You are in control of this relationship, you rockstar.
DON’T GUSH over him as if you’ve never been paid attention to in your life before. (And I don’t care if that’s actually true – that you haven’t been paid attention to before now, PRETEND it’s not.)
Your job is to let him think this relationship is unfolding naturally, and he has a part in it. But he’s not the whole burrito, baby.
Be as excited as you want to with your BFF; hop around and squeal and stay up all night talking about him on the phone, but never let on to him that that’s what’s happening.
You’re calm, collected, and unbelievably fabulous. He is so fortunate to be dating a woman like you!
