If you have read any of the Law of Attraction stuff, we need to chat for a sec.
Those programs can be awesome, but in this case they might just bite you in your very delicate and attractive derriere, girlfriend. That’s because they tend to teach that you must envision every last aspect of the man you dream of, then wait breathlessly for the universe to deliver him to you. I.e. “you get what you wish for, and you should be really, really specific.”
Now I know you have been carefully building up your dream in your head – who doesn’t?! You know exact-a-mundo what kind of man you want, and while you don’t exactly scribble his name in your notebooks like I did in grade school, you probably have a “Perfect Man” checklist in your head, if not on a bulletin board, the front of your fridge, or in your journal.
When I think back to how many of these I created back in the day… Whew! They all said one or more version of the same old thing: Honesty, sense of humor, nice smile, intelligent, sensitive, romantic, financially secure, blah blah blah for at least 142 more lines.
And don’t even get me started on those kinds of lists inspired by romance novels – I ROCKED those lists.
If I had read The Notebook back then, you would have loved my Perfect Man checklist.
Deeeeeply sentimental mushy-mush like “#58. Will be charmed by my efforts to play Chopin on an out-of-tune piano in the crumbling, abandoned plantation house that he will one day purchase and restore out of love for me. #59. Will write me 365 love letters every year without fail, and continue to keep the fires of our love burning no matter what.”
(It’s okay, you can smile. I’m doing it. I read a ton of romance novels. I keep those people in business, seriously.)
Time for a little housecleaning, though. Because here’s a secret you may have suspected…
There are hundreds – make that gazillions – of guys out there who could totally melt your heart and charge your battery at the same time.
Honestly! The Perfect Man list is not worth your energy or focus.
Your focus should be way, way bigger than that.
Let me explain.
Here’s secret number 2 (related to the plenty-of-fish-in-the sea truth, above)…
All those men? They’re all curiously, wonderfully, astonishingly different, and changing every day.
Just. Like. You.
In other words, they aren’t necessarily going to match your Perfect Man checklist, because your Perfect Man checklist is just too small to contain the fabulous variety, excitement, passion, and adventure that the men of the world represent.
Writing a Perfect Man checklist is like asking the universe for a juicy red apple (admittedly yummy) before you even realize that you might actually prefer to enjoy a fragrant, luscious strawberry. Or a heavy, stripey watermelon filled with sweet deliciousness. Or a succulent, exotic mango, papaya, guava, or carambola (those yellow fruits that turn into a star shape when you slice them – I had to look up that name). And so on.
I’m not saying guys are fruits, although it is making me chuckle right now.
Truly, think about how different your personal profile is on Facebook than it is on a job application. Both of which would be different than what your mother, your high-school boyfriend, or your BFF would say about you, or the descriptions your grouchy neighbor down the hall or the jerk who ran into your car at the traffic light have for you. All of which are different from what you’d write for a dating website.
Hell, for that matter, you may have written half a dozen profiles for dating websites, and they sound like half a dozen people. You love puppies but you honk when you laugh and you don’t like rubbing sunscreen onto sandy skin so you’d generally rather hike in the mountains than lay on the beach. You’re surly during summer storms, you hate people who don’t clean up after their dogs in the park, you paid to see Legally Blonde three times in the movie theater, and you can juggle. Malls give you hives. Butter is your favorite food group, and you dominate at foosball.
What does any of that really say about the True You?
You see what I mean? No single profile can genuinely capture the real you, so why would you expect it to capture the real him?
Take this opportunity to lovingly smooch those lists and tuck them inside a diary or keepsake drawer and don’t touch them again until your grandkids find them and you can get a good smile out of the whole silly thing.
I know, I know: I titled this section “Burn your ‘Perfect Man’ checklist, then stomp on the ashes…” but that feels a bit extreme, perhaps. (Although if that feels like an inspiring thing and you want to do it, go for it! I’ll loan you my flamethrower. That’s what I needed for all of mine, lol.)
Meanwhile, let’s get on to more good news.
‘Cause there’s puhhhh-lenty.
Becoming the Intoxicating Woman that men will desire (and other women will envy)
Okay, we’ve talked already about why men love to chase women and we’ve gone over a few of the reasons the man of your dreams hasn’t yet found you and made a mad rush to win your attention.
But here’s the kicker: no matter how many Secret Obstacles lie between you and him, YOU have the majority of the power in this situation.
Hot damn, woman. This is gonna be sooo sweet for you.
There is SO much you can do to become the intoxicating, fabulous woman that LOTS of men will desire. Even this little book/course is just a handful of yummy little cupcake sprinkles in a giant mason jar filled with them.
How will it feel to have guys competing for your attention?
How awesome will it be to actually have to CHOOSE from among the guys who are hoping and begging for your attention?
What will you say on your ninetieth birthday when you look back on the life and love you happily chose, and happily enjoyed?
That’s what I thought you’d say.
So here’s the thing I want you to do.
Take a deep breath, exhale, and promise yourself these three things:
1. The past is past.
Nothing that has happened (or that has NOT happened, as the case may be) in the past is going to adversely impact where you decide to go now. Mentally draw a line in the sand, step over it, and tell your past to stay put. If anything, the issues, problems, experiences, and stories in your past will positively power your path for the future, but they are not going to stop you from going where you decide to go.
2. I am filled with power.
And I’m not saying this because you have the muscles of a ripped and glistening bodybuilder (although if you do, that’s pretty cool!). I’m saying it because not only are you born to be a strong woman, you have other strong women to model yourself after, learn from, and lean on.
Every woman needs a constellation of role models, mentors, and friends. Who is in yours?
These women don’t have to be real (think Wonder Woman, Ellen Ripley, She Ra, Lara Croft, Sarah Connor), they don’t have to be still living (think Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Coco Chanel, Amelia Earhart, Cleopatra, and Catherine the Great), and they DEFINITELY don’t have to be perfect (think your favorite aunt, a wonderful teacher, the coach who was there at just the right time in your life, or a girlfriend who has been there for you through thick and thin).
Spend a few minutes mentally naming some of the amazing, powerful women in your “constellation of support” and say to yourself: I am strong. I am powerful. I have control in my own life and the lives of others. Watch out, world!
3. My future is going to be beautiful.
Because it is. You have the power to make it so (see #2 above). You already want a beautiful future, or you and I wouldn’t be talking right now. That’s right, you may have THOUGHT you were behind on the path, but you aren’t! You’re ahead. And it looks even better up there, just through the trees, where the sunshine is beaming down through the leaves on your picture-perfect path.
I’m not saying everything will always be easy; you’re far too intelligent to buy that line anyhow. I’m just saying that you are incredibly powerful, and if you want it, the beautiful future you desire is waiting…
I can’t wait to see you grab it.
